I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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