My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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