just come out here and I will go home with you...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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