It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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