i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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