apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is classic penis vs brain.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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