Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
