so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
