I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's blow job season.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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