Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
