the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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