i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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