OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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