He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When are your genitals available?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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