He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are my feet made of real feet?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
