is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
