I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Will you blow on my dice?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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