We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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