I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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