Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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