can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
