we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
