in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
