I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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