when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
