I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
