So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
