Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
