I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
