The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
