no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
