Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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