apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
