Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
