she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
