pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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