you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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