hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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