I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
