How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
