and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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