Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
