even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My balls are so social today.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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