I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
