Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
