Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So many bounce houses so little time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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