I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
