I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
