actually, I'm a sock model
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
