Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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