i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My life is pants optional.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
