The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
