am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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