she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
