So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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