eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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